A Response to “Scary Mommy: The Rules for Visiting a New Mom”

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Should there really be rules for visiting a new mom?

I recently came across this post that went viral on Facebook and other places:

http://www.scarymommy.com/rules-for-visiting-a-new-mom/

She details a variety of ways to be a more encouraging friend to new moms when you visit them.

Altogether we would generally do well to take her advice, but as the old saying goes, “do as I say, not as I do,” she seems to encourage a generous and gracious spirit but writes with an entitled and judgmental tone.

While I agree that visitors would do well to bring the food or gifts that the family needs rather than the food or knick-knacks she wants to bring, do we really need to list rules for how to visit and show love?

Don’t these expectations set us up for hurt feelings and judgement?

Aren’t these unreasonable expectations?  We are the ones who chose to have babies.  It really isn’t someone else’s responsibility to feed and clothe them.

Is it really so bad that someone is so excited that she is thinking more about seeing the baby and offering emotional support than providing us with leftovers?

I truly appreciated the girlfriends who brought enough food for leftovers, the ones who brought extra gifts that were practical rather than plants or teddy bears, but that’s not really the point.

The point is that if we want to encourage generosity and grace in others, we should expect it of ourselves, even in our speech.

So I won’t give rules but I will offer 3 pieces of advice:

1-Ask the mother what she wants from you.

2-Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

3-Love covers over a multitude of sins.

XO

 

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2 comments

  1. I agree completely. When I was a walking zombie full of roller coaster emotions I would have been ecstatic for a McDonald’s happy meal. It was never what was brought over but rather the kindness of someone to take time out of their busy life to offer me some help.

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